Friday, November 20, 2015

I will be happy when

image courtesy of wiki

I will be happy when….Insert whatever you like here. Get married, get a car and stop using the metro, start that new job, move closer to my friends, switch churches.

For the past couple of years my life could be characterized by the above statement with different insert here milestone. Lately, I have realized that life and my ever evolving emotional needs are a little bit more complicated than that.

I go from a miserable person taking the metro to the miserable person commuting to work.
Fundamentally, happiness cannot be found in “happenings” or “stuff” and even if you do find happiness, it is never the lasting type. It only lasts long enough until the next “I will be happy when moment’

Oneday i stopped myself and asked,

oh girl what about happiness now. Ii only have one life to live. Why am I living partially hoping something or someone will fulfill me.

Let me start with the most erroneous and dangerous pattern of thinking that a relationship or marriage will fulfill you or make you happy. If you had a sinking feeling and recognized your pattern of thinking in my above statements, do not be alarmed. I am the reformed poster child of the " clingers creed.
See, women, girls, whatever you want to call the female sex, who think this way are usually stage 5 clingers. However, I digress. Let me focus on the topic at hand.

Specifically thinking like that, implies that not only are you deficient in some way, which is a direct contradiction to Gods word but is borderline foolish to base happiness on another flawed human being who is prone to mistakes.

What happens on the days that he cannot be that knight in shining armor. if he ever was..
Or he is ill
Or he is just being plain old mean to you.

Life is too long and temporary ( notice i refuse to use the saying "life is too short" because I am your bonafide spiricoco superstitious naija babe to the core. As a man saith so will he is ,I don't speak jabberjantis into my life, including my "life is potentially short". I digressed yet again) to base happiness on the actions of someone that you cannot control.

The past couple of months I felt i have had to purge myself from erroneous thinking.

"You complete me."Jerry- Maguire -melt- your -heart- break- into- tears pop culture’s go to saying of love is wholly based on the the school of thought of "I will be happy when I am in a relationship/married." the whole statement implies that for some reason the single girl or guy is incomplete/flawed/damaged in some way and it takes the other party to complete Gods incomplete creation.

Lord I have been so brainwashed. As I was typing, my heart crooned an involuntary aww to my statement but my  brain performed a necessary over ride sharply!

We have been so brainwashed by this statement. Every movie, play, magazine , novel subtly or overtly reinforces this statement. There is no alternative view or opposing view. If there is an opposing view, the voice is drowned out by the more romantic point of view.

Nothing or no one can truly ever make you happy or complete.
I have learned that God is the only constant in life. I am slowly but surely discarding erroneous patterns of thinking. I haven't succeeded totally but I am trying.
I have decided to stop focusing so much inwardly and my happiness but in looking outwardly.

As cliche as it sounds, it does work. I truly believe until you find the specific reason why God created you and operate under that ministry you will never find true joy. Some women believe that they were specifically created to support their husband's that this is their "ministry". Maybe in that sense a husband “completes" them. However that only constitutes about one percent of people?
Feminists dont kill me oh. I believe everyone has a purpose big or small and some women truly thrive in their lives with that pattern if thinking. They aint nothing wrong with that. As long that is Gods plan for you and not your plan for yourself.

However I think happiness can truly be found in helping others. 
Yes cliche, again

You take the focus from you and you begin to realize you are more than just the incomplete creation of God.
You are worth something. You are something
God has a specific plan  for you.
Your constant joy then comes from being in God  and finding what your “ministry” is or purpose is.

Then you can truly walk through life in passion purpose and happiness.

Yeah I am just going to act like no one noticed that I haven't updated by blog for eons.

Francis Okoros call to arms here did not help my writers guilt

Scouts honor though ! I am back to semi consistently blogging.

Eniola P

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