God is not a simulation expert.

Well, if praying meant asking God repeatedly in my head why this happened to my parents then yes, I had been praying.

Nikky Abe

Still 2

In the process of writing Still 2 and in the process of living life in general, I could never answer certain questions.

The above is a quote from one of my characters aka  Nikky the feisty one( if you have read still 1)  of the second part of the bestselling four book series.

Yes, it’s a shameless plug for book 2 *Insert Nollywood Dramatic Voice * Coming in December

I aint ashamed.

But I digress.

See, I didn’t understand why bad things happened to good people.

 Why women get raped, why innocent bystanders get murdered and the people that are the kindest patients have the worst disease processes. A sure way to know if a patient will die is how kind there are. If the patient is  nice there’s a high likelihood of death while the more cantankerous ones must be drinking the “everlasting life” cool aid. There’s a woman that was particularly kind whose death hits me till this day.

John 16 vs 33, KJV say These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

The truth is I could not be of good cheer.

My mind would be filled with questions of why a good and kind God would allow children he claimed to love so much to go through devasting events in life. And I wasn’t satisfied with Christianese answers.

There is always a tacit ideology among Christians that those questions should not be asked? That those questions are for unbelievers, agnostics and atheists. However, I believe it is a question that comes from the base of human instinct. It comes from a hurting heart, full of questions trying to make sense of life.

See in my quest, I also found the word that we have a high priest that is empathetic to our suffering.

I asked myself why did God go through the drama of having Jesus born, having him grow up from a toddler to a teenager and then an adult then have him suffer and die.

The answer is empathy.

There is an empathy that can only come through experience.

When he sits on the right hand of God he really empathizes with our struggles because he lived the full human experience.

See the point of life and our relationship with God is not to make heaven, if it were we would have been taken to heaven immediately we gave our lives to Christ.

Why should he risk losing us while we continue living in a worldy system that is under Satan’s control?

Let me speak a little christianese and say he did it so we could be little “gods” on earth. See God believes in us more than we believe in ourselves, He believes that the devastation will not kill us like the enemy intends but it will only make us stronger. We can get up and like nemo in “Finding Nemo, and we just keep swimming.

See when you go though some experiences you can look at another hurting soul and really mean it when you say “I have been there.”

Unfortunately, God cannot simulate losing a loved one or debilitating illness or grave injustice. You must go through it to become a “high priest” for that situation.

Then you can tell someone else in that situation confidently, “You will be fine. If I made it through, then so can you. “

When we yield to God in that painful situation, he uses it to empower us to help others.

However, sometimes the pain fogs our views and we play into the hand of the enemy. We become brittle and bitter.

I certainly don’t feel all situations are that simple and there are complex nuances in every painful experience we go through.

And the maddening thing is sometimes it will not make sense. Refer to Proverbs 3 vs 5

But I have learnt and continually learn to trust God and believe that He will make it all beautiful in his time.

I clear my head of stinking thinking mindsets that attributes these situations to God. God doesn’t want me to suffer but He allows the suffering for his purpose.

In trust, I have learnt that God may not be  simulation expert.  That while I hoped he would simulate certain experiences in my life, I have gotten to the point that I can say like the psalmists, I was glad I was afflicted that I may learn your statutes

Pregnant, Pastoring and Unwed

I was going to blog about something else today but I stumbled on this story about a pregnant female pastor here. 

Apparently, New York pastor Desiree Allen is unmarried and got pregnant. she decided to come public with her pregnancy and refused to stop preaching.

In a post on her personal website Not Cinderella,  she says

“After the initial shock was joy. Yet, underneath something else was lingering. Anger? No. Disappointment? No. It was pure and utter dread. Not at being pregnant. Not at whether or not I would be a good mother. What had my stomach turning, other than nausea, was me being pregnant AND a pastor. Let’s face it. The church has not had a good track record of accepting unmarried women who got pregnant. If you’ve been in church for any period of time you’ve heard or witnessed the aftermath. Shunning, slut shaming, being sat down from your position, having to go up in front of the church and confess your sin, etc. etc. No one can be naïve enough to say this type of stuff doesn’t happen in church. An ugly truth is people in church leadership have sex outside of marriage, affairs, do drugs, drink, so on and so forth. Generally, these are not considered acceptable acts. BUT I have seen many churches turn a blind eye to this behavior, because it can be hidden. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. To be pregnant is a very visible indication of a private act and for some reason provides people with more of a need to respond.”

While I commend her for her choice, as it is her life, I am not entirely comfortable about it. I wonder if this is  the churchy judgmental side of me talking. I have been accused of being judgmental. Usually by people that are in denial about the plain truths in their lives. ( YES, all shade intended :))

I do agree that neither she or her child  should be shunned from the church. The church should operate as a refuge for weak, hungry, homeless,tired. she should be encouraged and supported.  So no, she should not be thrown out of the church BUT she should not be in a leadership position.

Yes, I agree. Unnecessary and somewhat unrealistic expectations are placed on church leaders. We hold them to higher standards that we don't hold ourselves to without realizing that they are human after all and are prone to mistakes.  However, this  sends a dangerous message to the younger generation. With her remaining on the pulpit, it diminishes the seriousness of her mistake. It makes pre -marital sex  and unwanted pregnancies okay. "After all my pastor got pregnant and shes still preaching." There has to be some accountability. I personally feel the younger generation's perception bother's God the most. When a pastor falls it affects the congregation negatively. The foundation of faith for younger Christians not as advanced in their work with God is shifted. They consequently may lose faith in church and then God.

There are consequences for our actions even with God. Yes, there is mercy and grace but God IS also a judge.  The pastor does not owe us an explanation nor the forgiveness of her congregation. It is between herself and God.

Though, I have to be frank.I am not as open minded and non judgmental as I would like to believe. I have side eyed this pastor  in my mind. As if, there haven't been times in my life that I have been a hop skip and jump away from being this pastor, if not for the grace of God.  Jesus, my homeboy is a shame remover. 

Perhaps this will open the dialogue on how sin is treated in the modern church.

Update : I discussed this with a friend after originally posting  and I am still conflicted. On one hand,  if there is grace and she is forgiven, she should be able to go through her process while living her life (which happens to be a pastor.) If I am not required to withdraw from my department in church ( albeit not a leadership position) when I sin privately, why should she?  I do agree that the public nature of an unplanned pregnancy always provokes a response. The leadership  church feel they have to respond because this is a public manifestation of a private sin and needs to be addressed.  I am more bothered by her lack of contrition in her statement and omission of any statements addressing reconciliation with God. It could have been a valuable lesson for a young teen with an unplanned pregnancy. I believe experiences are wasted if they are not shared in the hopes of teaching the less experienced generation and preventing the same mistakes.
Maybe she addresses this privately with God but as a pastor with eyes watching she sounds very much like "I am here. I got my baby and I will not be ashamed." That's all well and good for her.  I don't think the standard step- down -from- position- and- get- shunned is the best  response either. I think I was just looking for her to mention the painful lessons learned, advice or even Godly  encouragement to other women that find herself in her position


Stay fearless folks

I will be happy when

image courtesy of wiki

I will be happy when….Insert whatever you like here. Get married, get a car and stop using the metro, start that new job, move closer to my friends, switch churches.

For the past couple of years my life could be characterized by the above statement with different insert here milestone. Lately, I have realized that life and my ever evolving emotional needs are a little bit more complicated than that.

I go from a miserable person taking the metro to the miserable person commuting to work.

Fundamentally, happiness cannot be found in “happenings” or “stuff” and even if you do find happiness, it is never the lasting type. It only lasts long enough until the next “I will be happy when moment’

Oneday i stopped myself and asked,

oh girl what about happiness now. Ii only have one life to live. Why am I living partially hoping something or someone will fulfill me.

Let me start with the most erroneous and dangerous pattern of thinking that a relationship or marriage will fulfill you or make you happy. If you had a sinking feeling and recognized your pattern of thinking in my above statements, do not be alarmed. I am the reformed poster child of the " clingers creed.

See, women, girls, whatever you want to call the female sex, who think this way are usually stage 5 clingers. However, I digress. Let me focus on the topic at hand.

Specifically thinking like that, implies that not only are you deficient in some way, which is a direct contradiction to Gods word but is borderline foolish to base happiness on another flawed human being who is prone to mistakes.

What happens on the days that he cannot be that knight in shining armor. if he ever was..

Or he is ill

Or he is just being plain old mean to you.

Life is too long and temporary ( notice i refuse to use the saying "life is too short" because I am your bonafide spiricoco superstitious naija babe to the core. As a man saith so will he is ,I don't speak jabberjantis into my life, including my "life is potentially short". I digressed yet again) to base happiness on the actions of someone that you cannot control.

The past couple of months I felt i have had to purge myself from erroneous thinking.

"You complete me."Jerry- Maguire -melt- your -heart- break- into- tears pop culture’s go to saying of love is wholly based on the the school of thought of "I will be happy when I am in a relationship/married." the whole statement implies that for some reason the single girl or guy is incomplete/flawed/damaged in some way and it takes the other party to complete Gods incomplete creation.

Lord I have been so brainwashed. As I was typing, my heart crooned an involuntary aww to my statement but my  brain performed a necessary over ride sharply!

We have been so brainwashed by this statement. Every movie, play, magazine , novel subtly or overtly reinforces this statement. There is no alternative view or opposing view. If there is an opposing view, the voice is drowned out by the more romantic point of view.

Nothing or no one can truly ever make you happy or complete.

I have learned that God is the only constant in life. I am slowly but surely discarding erroneous patterns of thinking. I haven't succeeded totally but I am trying.

I have decided to stop focusing so much inwardly and my happiness but in looking outwardly.

As cliche as it sounds, it does work. I truly believe until you find the specific reason why God created you and operate under that ministry you will never find true joy. Some women believe that they were specifically created to support their husband's that this is their "ministry". Maybe in that sense a husband “completes" them. However that only constitutes about one percent of people?

Feminists dont kill me oh. I believe everyone has a purpose big or small and some women truly thrive in their lives with that pattern if thinking. They aint nothing wrong with that. As long that is Gods plan for you and not your plan for yourself.

However I think happiness can truly be found in helping others. 

Yes cliche, again

You take the focus from you and you begin to realize you are more than just the incomplete creation of God.

You are worth something. You are something

God has a specific plan  for you.

Your constant joy then comes from being in God  and finding what your “ministry” is or purpose is.

Then you can truly walk through life in passion purpose and happiness.

Yeah I am just going to act like no one noticed that I haven't updated by blog for eons.

Francis Okoros call to arms here did not help my writers guilt

Scouts honor though ! I am back to semi consistently blogging.

Eniola P