Can you see the exclamation! I am trying to exude self confidence and excitement.
My first interview is on Friday and being somewhat of an atypical medical professional I am not really nervous. I am not going for surgery or derm or any gunner specialty and I just want a solid residency. Honestly, I just want to get it over with and put a check next to the whole process saying "Never to be done by me again ." Its really not that bad actually , the wining , dining (especially love this!) and visiting new places. On the flip side, its physically and mentally grueling to travel round the country ( even though for me most places are in the north east) and be interviewed by at least two people in the hospital. I am not complaining though., at least I have interviews. I have to watch my facial expressions during interviews . I tend to come off harder than I am.... sometimes. My friend said I have the "I don't really care" face down to a science.
I am praying for guidance , not to base my decisions in March when I enter my rank list based on human assessment but by God. The thing is I am lot more flexible and open to a new location than I was a year ago. There is a little bit of fear in me. I constantly hear "You did it before. look at what happened." The neurotic side of me is constantly reminding me of all things that can go wrong aka failing that horrendous nightmare of an exam step 3 . But I have made up my mind to trust God no matter what. I have found out through this journey, that faith I like, belief I like but trust I don't like. Trust is harder that faith, its a step further and its much more difficult for me. I don't even like writing about it.
But God has made it in such a way that I have no choice but to trust Him. I am cautiously looking forward to my future because I am genuinely curious to see where God is taking me.
Because everything I thought I knew, I found out that I really had no idea. I probably still have no idea.