When I decided to start blogging, I made a promise to myself to be positive on the blog no matter how I felt. I promised not to let my emotions dictate what I wrote. I had to make this decision because I tend to be cynical, sarcastic and nonchalant which I know is more of a defense mechanism for me. So I made the decision to blog positive and keep the criticism to the minimum, no matter how I felt.
I have learned the hard way that God is not overtly concerned by my feelings and comfort. When He placed it on my heart to write my book in medical school I had justifiable excuses not to , I was busy, my life was messy and nine times out of ten I did not feel like it. But in obeying God, your feelings and your action of obedience will never be alignment. You have to make a choice. Do I obey my feelings? Or do I obey God? For the longest time I obeyed my feelings but then I realized my feelings were volatile.One minute "God is good, I am so glad I am happy" , the next is "Why does God put me through all this?I am not happy , I am depressed. " I realized I could not trust my emotions , that they change, that the intensity of my emotions does not correlate with what direction I should take and what God wants me to do. Even now, I am typing contrary to my emotions. If I really wrote how I felt.....everyone that read the post would leave my blog depressed.
So I am going to fake it till I make it. I already feel like a "mole" in this Christianity thing, that although I have changed there are so many flaws still inherent in my character. That most times I don't feel like Theresa Giudice in "Real House wives of New Jersey" and all I want to do is "love, love,love" ( I am sorry, I really love that show * covers head in shame*)
But I will not "act" like I "feel" Because nine times out of ten, my feelings are wrong and if I just "stop drop and roll" the fiery intensity of my emotions will be extinguished .
In positive news, I am currently in the editing stages of my book and I have given it to "beta readers " for feed back. I blog later this week about that. I am not looking forward to getting the manuscript with criticism but I want the best possible product I can get with my more " financially challenged" budget for publication. Editors are very expensive yall!
In other news not so positive news , Pharell Williams got married,. I will just think "positive" about that tragedy. :D