Monday, August 11, 2014

I have a heart!

I would like to think of myself as cynical or hardened I really would like to…most of the time I am.  I started residency in the CCU ( Cardiac Care Unit) and while it wasn’t as horrendous as I thought it would be. I realized that my break from medicine has made me a little soft or maybe just very soft. As a medical student, I saw patients die. When I was an AI,  I signed out a patient when I was done for the day. When I came in the next day he had died. He was 95  and his family seemed to take his death well.  They were  other instances of death in different rotations. I was generally unaffected by them.

Maybe you become a little blunted when death surrounds you.  By generally unaffected I mean empathizing with the family but not getting emotionally entangled with the family.

A really young patient coded and died minutes after she was transferred to the CCU and I was holding back tears. For another patient, I skidalled away as family hugged each other and cried. I did not want to burst into tears. It makes me wonder if I am really cut out for this medicine stuff.
I don’t have any profound answers.
It’s ironic.

I realized I DID have a heart in the unit for bad hearts. 


  1. I think that's what makes you perfect for the job. You are meant to have a heart. And I trust your patients won't have it any other way. You are good.

  2. Hey Girl! how have you been.who is better qualified to take care of people than one who has deep feelings...

  3. My sister, I feel you! I have always been a softy and I have often cried when I lost patients. I have always loved children and during my internship, that was the rotation that gnawed at my heart the most. Basically I ask for grace to see me through and I chose a specialty and subspecialty that didn't involve caring for my little friends in a terminal state. His Grace is sufficient for you!