Seeds

Is anyone else watching Married to Medicine? I missed last season ;however, I plan to watch the foolwangery this year. *covers head in shame*  I cannot look away from train wrecks. *shrugs shoulders*

However the show got me thinking.

When the show premiered last year, there was a lot negative press associated with it. A couple of students and alumni in my medical school started a petition to have the show boycotted citing that the show perpetuated negative stereotypes. Of course, Bravo TV  was not going to stop their money train because of a few disgruntled people in the medical community. I really did not understand what the whole hullabaloo was at that point. Now I realize the show was/is more dangerous than I realized.
Every thing we watch, hear and read sows a seed in our heart and mind. These seeds take root ( make a foundation), germinate and grow.  When the seed grows into a plant it produces more seeds.  The bible puts it aptly with “ out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6 vs 45)”

My classmates were rightfully angry that another negative seed was being sown into the hearts of millions of people. This could have been set up for positive portrayal of a story that is seldom  told. The story of  black female physicians with black male physicians and their wives. I went to a medical school that is not representative of how few minorities there are in medicine. Do not underestimate how dangerous these portrayals are. To me each is a single alphabet of a word in a sentence that says  black people are a certain way.
If you are told something or shown something or read something often enough, without having valuable insight, you will begin to believe it.

That is why I started taking more concerted steps to watch what I allow into me. I wont lie to you and say I listen to Christian radio and tv 24/7. To be frank, there is an inauthentic portrayal of Christianity that I feel Christian radio purports that I dislike. However, I noticed that despite the positives in my life I was prone to swings in my emotion and moods. Instead of “riding it out” or dismissing it as my normal disposition I began to wonder why. It dawned on me , definitely from revelation from the holy spirit, that I was allowing negative seeds to be sown in my life.

I watch entirely too much ratchet reality tv to be considered healthy .

 If all I watched was strife, hate, rudeness, meanness and people being downright evil to each other then it isn't surprising that I was moody, snappy, critical and mean. I wasn't suddenly going to be speaking blessings to my fellow brother when I wasn't reading, watching and hearing blessings.

I cannot lie and say I have stopped all ratchet reality tv (everyone has to have a little vice J).  These people are utterly ridiculous and  put them selves out there. It’s like a crash on the highway, you cant help but slow down . However, I have drastically cut back. I have gone on television fasts where I abstain from television for a few days.  I replaced the inane pop songs I listened to on radio and replaced with christian messages. I can definitely say there has been an improvement in my emotional health. I am not mother Theresa now but I am not giving everyone within a one mile radius of me a mean side eye.

Well most of the time I am not. J

This one is for the dreamers

The end is always better than the beginning, it doesn't matter how it starts all that matters is how it ends.

Friday was the end or the beginning (depending on how you look at it) of a very arduous journey for me. I found out where I matched for residency. It was quite annoying to go through different variations of this conversation  about 1000 times for the past two years

Me: I am hopefully starting residency in June

Person: Really? Where?

Me: I don’t know. I find out in March

Person: Why.

Me: Grits teeth and begins a long winded explanation of the medical match process (an over the top job hunt) 

I thank Jesus  that I know where I am going, that I was given a chance to go where I am going and this portion of the journey is finally over.

I remember the dream I had and my resolute decision not to give up on it and God.

I remember when  I had both the admission letter for nursing school and medical school. One was easy, practical and reasonable, the other a blank letter, an untraveled road, risky, foolhardy and difficult. One was familiar nursing school  in Chicago, the other not so much medical school in a new city where I knew a handful of people.

I had nothing but I had God

And with God I had the family He gave me and my friends. 

And with God I had Hebrews  11, not a full understanding of it but grasping enough that faith in God can move mountains.Sometimes you just need to grasp a little to move. 

It wasn't easy.  I needed more than faith.   

Resilience

Dogged Determination

Steel in your spine

A fighting spirit.

And a strong will.

I have realized that there are two people who determine if you  will make it, if you will achieve that dream, get that promotion, start and succeed in that business , publish that novel…. Insert whatever dream you have/had.  I have realized God is always in your corner with a perpetual yes. The rest is up to you.

If you believe you can make it, you probably can.

If you believe you cant, you probably cannot

It does not matter if you are international student, a non traditional student, single mother, orphan, poverty stricken, rich ,  disabled…no matter what odds are against you

Your dream is between you and God., with him you can become an unstoppable force, a unit.

If God wants it, if you want it, pursue it like its already yours.

Pursue it with a single minded focus that is unparalleled.

No matter how many times you fall, get back up again and fight for your dream.

Do what you can humanely do and watch Him do what you cant do.

You will have to fight for it, it will not be handed to you on a platter.

Dream big and fight big because cliche or not you have a big God.

I am a walking and breathing testimony of this.

God loves dreamers.  God supports dreamers. God is a dreamer.

The question will you dream with Him?

Or let the world carve out an apportioned allocation to you based on your race, sex or social class?

Or based on what you don’t have instead of what you do have?

So on the day I had a choice to make between nursing and medicine, I choose to dream with my superficial understanding of Hebrews 11 but with an understanding that I had a God.

And with God nothing truly is impossible.

***** Does holy ghost dance off the stage******

 The mini sermon above is because this past week was match week and my dreams actually became a reality. Now sometimes I spontaneously screech in delight and run around the house every time my room mate isn't home. :) 

A house of cards and narcissists

If you are my friend on facebook or blackberry, then you know that I am currently obsessed with the Netflix series House of Cards. Its about Frank Underwood, a democratic majority whip leader  and his wife Claire Underwood. I am obsessed with House of cards because, I have never in my tv-overload-adult viewing life seen such an evil and ruthless  lead character.  I am basically flummoxed .Maybe it’s because Netflix has given us  the ultimate antihero. When  we watch movies, read novels or books we are supposed to root for the protagonist, support their dreams, hurt  when they hurt, laugh when they are happy and scream at them through the  television set or through the bound pages of the book  when they  make foolish decisions. But in House of Cards we have a protagonist that is deliciously wicked. His ruthlessness is both controlled and on impulse.

He will kill you with no hesitation or meticulously plan your demise, whichever one works for him.

It has turned my television or this time internet streaming experience upside down because I am used to rooting for the main character but I find myself conflicted. I know he makes Hitler look like Mary Poppins yet because my brain has been trained to root for the protagonist, I still hope his downright diabolical schemes work. * COVERS HEAD IN SHAME* I remember had the same “crisis” when I first read Gone with the Wind. My  eight year old brain could not grasp that Scarlett O’Hara was selfish, mean and manipulative. However, it provides a much richer and complex viewing experience when things are not so clear cut and PG.

Quite frankly I love it. I like Frank because he is driven and goal orientated and for some reason I absolutely love ruthless characters. I like people who can manipulate situations and people . I admire them because they display superior analytic skills and intelligence.

They think.

Plan.

Implement. 

I thank God for finding Jesus because honestly I do see certain traits like that in myself. It’s more of an over analytic mind.  I think, think, think , plan and execute.  However nine times out of ten the execution phase is a fail. I guess its Gods way of making me more reliant on him than myself. Of course I would like to think I am not as evil as Frank-Kill-you-without –hesitation Underwood. It brings Proverbs 14 vs 12 to my mind 

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

Just because it seems right doesn't mean it is right and it doesn't mean I can or will  get away with it.

It may look glamorous now but Frank Underwood fictional or not will get his on the other side and its not the side with cherubic angels and pearly gates.

In other news, I have an extremely narcissistic and flirtatious  patient in the clinic I work in. He ALWAYS finds a way to remove his shirt, incredible hulk style EVERY TIME I want to take his blood pressure. Today, I was determined to tell him that he didn't have to remove his shirt so I could see his well-defined biceps and solid six pack but did he give me a chance?

No

Before I could say the word blood pressure, he removed his shirt again. Yeah sure he’s gorgeous but I am a medical professional! I will not fall for such cheap tricks! * flips weave and walks out* 

What I am reading - Finding Grace

For what I am reading, I usually blog about any book that I find interesting, a book that a friend recommends or a book someone sends to me. The first one was Chimeka Garricks Tomorrow died yesterday, check it out here.

Next I am blogging about  a novella  written by Onyih Odunze who sent me a free copy of her book to review.

When I started the book, I was expecting a traditional romance story but was pleasantly surprised. She is a great descriptive writer, the first chapter of the book which describes  the setting of  proper Lagos wedding immediately made that apparent. It was fabulous writing indeed.  In spite of my unconscious mental decision not to get invested in the characters’ lives, I found myself caring about them. Her novella softened my ever so cynical heart… just a tiny bit.  It was a well written romance story with an undertone of Christianity. Onyih should also be put under the super woman category, she is married with two kid, pursuing her master’s degree and has a novella and anthology of short stories published. 

Yeah, I need to do better with time management.

Instead of droning on and on, I decided to just have the writer talk about the book by herself.

Enjoy!

Hello Onyih, thanks for stopping by.  We would like to know a little more about you, your likes, dislikes, writers that have influenced you, whether you are a morning person or not etc.

Thanks for having me, Eniola! Hmm…my likes and dislikes? I love reading for one thing. That is a passion for me. I read my first novel – a detective story – when I was about 8 years old. It was my eldest brother’s book, and I still remember curling up on his bed, caught up in a world so different from the one I lived in. I read that book in one sitting and haven’t looked back since.

I also like music, chocolate (specifically Cadbury’s Whole Nut or Fruit and Nut), and I adore ice cream (who doesn’t?). I’m a proper homebody so I love hanging out at home with my hubby and babies.

Am I a morning person? Well, my first inclination when my alarm rings is to shut it off and snooze for another fifteen minutes, so no, definitely not a morning person.

Francine Rivers is a big influence and she is one of my favorite writers. Angela Hunt is another one and I recently discovered Patrick Carr, a Christian fiction fantasy writer.  I admire them because they write about real people, flawed people. I definitely relate to that and it makes me want to create characters that people can also relate to.

What inspired you to write the novel and did you draw from your personal experiences for it.

Finding Grace was actually inspired by a story I heard many years ago about a long-term relationship gone wrong.  Initially, I wrote a couple of scenes back in 2007 and in time, it just grew from that. I think every writer leaves a piece of themselves in their work. I definitely draw from my experiences and from my observations of what other people are going through and how they react in those situations.

Apart from letting go and moving on which I learned from the main character Grace what other underlying themes were you trying to put across to readers in the novel.  I definitely noticed you had a few underlying Christian themes. 

You correctly mentioned letting go…more like, ‘Let go and let God do what He’ll do.” I think sometimes we become so focused on what we want, or how we think our lives should go and that obscures our trust in God. It affects our ability to receive anything good from God because we hold so tightly to what we’ve lost.  Forgiveness was also important in this story. The heroine – Grace – faced betrayal several times and she had to find a way to release those who had hurt her. Writing that story also taught me about trust – trusting God even when things are going haywire. He does know what He’s doing.

Not giving any spoilers away but I wasn't expecting the twist with the sister and I can usually predict twists in a story.  I didn't see that coming it at all. Why was it important for you to add that?

Hmm….you know, that wasn't really part of the original story. I think Sonia’s character sort of drew me in that direction. It definitely added some nuances to the story and I think it makes people sit up and take notice of the sister. I've had people asking me about Sonia’s story and that shows how strong of a character she is. She’s someone that’s used to being the focus of attention.

Azuka is goes through a family tragedy and in some ways  the character Grace gives him grace. How did the tragedy shape him as a character and do you think it propelled him a little faster to find his missing ribs ( as we Christians so aptly  call it.)  J

Azuka’s family tragedy helped him realize how frail life is, you know? Why not go after what or who you want right now, today? Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. It definitely propelled him towards his missing rib much faster, lol! As time went on, he discovered that his need for Grace went much deeper than he initially thought.  

You infused a lot of your igbo culture into the novel and I thoroughly enjoyed that.  How did that influence Azuka  when he wanted Grace. The boy does not play, he saw what he liked and in less than three months he was planning a wedding in his head.

Lol! I’m not sure being Ibo really influence the speed with which he was moving, but I thought it was important to show where he came from, because that really fed into who he was.

What do you love most about writing and what do you struggle most with about writing?

Oh gosh! Writing…I love it because it’s an incredible way to express myself. I have a pretty introverted personality and I don’t think I’m very good at having conversations. So, writing is definitely my way of communicating with people. Some said that a writer is an introvert who wants to tell a story but doesn't want to make eye contact while doing it. That describes me to a t. And, that’s why I love writing. It lets me be who I really am.

On the other hand, I struggle with consistency and procrastination. I have two small children, work full time and at same time, I’m studying for a Masters degree. Between the demands of home and family, it can be really difficult to make time to write. I’m working on that.

What is next for you?

I recently released a collection of short stories, titled ‘Who are You?’ and I’m working on a novel to be released this year.

Thanks Onyih! 

Finding Grace description 

A cutting betrayal. A chance meeting. A heartbreaking loss. Emotionally drained from an impending family tragedy, Azuka Obialor is rocked by an accidental meeting and his thoughts are never far from the woman who crossed his path for the briefest of moments. 

A heartbreaking loss shifts his focus and thoughts of his ‘mystery woman’ are all but forgotten. Another coincidental meeting is almost one too many, and Azuka is faced with the daunting prospect that his reality would fall far short of his dreams. 

Grace Osoka is devastated by a cutting betrayal. Stunned, she retreats into a shell and is hesitant to trust any man again. Will Azuka’s love be enough to bridge her walls? 

From the metropolitan streets of London and the bustle of Lagos to the dusty roads of an Eastern Nigeria village, follow Azuka and Grace on their journey to finding grace in the midst of heartache.

Click here for Finding Grace

Click here for her newly released anthology, Who are you? 

medical fear factor

Happy March yall!

The month of March heralds the melodrama of match week for thousands of fourth year medical students, and non traditional applicants for residency. We find out where we match aka  where  (which hospital and which state) we get to become indentured servants  for  the next three years.  Although I have been through the drama before, it’s a little nerve racking for me.

I am more impatient than fearful because I want to know where I end up. I felt like I haven’t been able to really plan my life because everything has been temporary. It has always been at the back of my mind that I have to move again.

I read a blog post on a medical blog about fear in medicine.  It was about how the younger generation in medicine is constantly being scared silly with advice.

Because medicine is so hierarchical, people on the lower totem pole constantly have to ask for advice from those higher ups.

First years  ask second years advice for surviving first year

Second years ask third years about studying for and passing step 1

Third years ask fourth years about matching and the match process

Fourth years ask interns about surviving intern year …and so forth as you move up in your career.

It never stops.

Some of the advice I received  was priceless because it helped; some of it did more harm than good because I was constantly anxious about the next step.  Medicine is an extremely demanding career and sometimes it’s difficult to make it through without some sort of mentorship :however, advice should be given with more encouragement and less doomsday predictions that discourage.

When I give advice I try to paint an accurate and realistic picture. I keep In mind proverbs 12 vs 25

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

The next step is always difficult but I try to add a little spice of encouragement with my advice when possible…

However ,try as I may I could never find anything encouraging to say about Anatomy or Surgery in med school. I still can’t but the key word is try. J

Next time someone I am asked to give advice I will “try” to give that advice with a spoonful of sugar. 

Speaking or more appropriately writing about sugar, I had the most amazing foodie weekend in long island with my bffs  I wish I had a good camera or I was into taking pictures, but alas I can only mentally catalog the Colombian steak, Indian curry, American diner brunch and the most delicious french toast ever that we ate. 

Anyway , see yall folks, until we meet again. 

Whats "falling in love" got to do with it?

On falling in love: “You don’t know who you will fall in love with. You just don’t. You don’t control it. Some people have certain things, like, ‘That’s what I’m going for,’ and I have a subjective version of that. I don’t pressure myself…If you fall in love with someone, you want to own them – but really, why would you want that? You want them to be what you love. I’m much too young to even have an answer for that question.”

Kristen Stewart, Marie Claire, March  2014

 

Kristen Stewart is on the cover of the next issue of Marie Claire and that was her answer when she was asked about falling in love. To begin with the question itself is faulty and is based on an false  concept of "falling in love."

I once was naïve, foolish and misguided. I once believed in the statement above and in some ways still believe in it. Every day I find myself constantly trying to correct or even replace the  erroneous concepts that have been ingrained in my brain . One of those many concepts is the thought that love is a feeling that cannot be controlled, that you cant help who you fall in love with,  or that you fall in love. Granted, Kristen Stewart is a twenty something year old growing up in a spotlight  she obviously finds uncomfortable. She is not the most articulate person consequently is not the best person to answer a question about love.  I am not picking on Kristen Stewart but I am using the article to illustrate that we are constantly being inundated with the same concepts or what I call seeds by the media. These seeds are not  as harmless  and every one of these seeds grow. Do not underestimate the power of these "seeds" in the media to shape a mind especially a mind of a young person who has no Godly example around to aspire to.

Young people especially young women are fighting a losing battle. If every book, movie TV show and song  tells you that love is about  falling and it is a  flowery emotion that you have no control over because you cant help it,  of course you begin to believe it.

I did! My rationale was that these people are obviously more experienced in life so it must be true.

Now  I wince, shake my head, shudder with embarrassment and laugh. Thank God for Jesus. I believe that becoming a Christian allowed me to base my thought process  and world view from a more realistic foundation. It has changed my thinking process from being extremely faulty to being barely faulty. Imagine a young girl going into a relationship with this thinking process, it’s a train wreck waiting to happen.  The media and we as a society have placed unrealistic fantastical expectations on love. In fact it wasn’t until recently I realized that the concept of falling in love is total rubbish.  Working in the medical sciences , I know “falling” has negative connotations. In my head, I see broken bones, splinters,  hip replacement and crushed skulls when I think of falling. Okay fine  I may have gone overboard with that description but why would you want to fall into something especially love. 

Falling hurts. Falling is not safe.

Who came up with this concept anyway and why have we (especially me) allowed it to penetrate my outlook?

 

I read on someone's blog that they would rather grow in love with someone. Yes it sounds less romantic but is more realistic. Growing in love makes me think about growing old with someone and persevering with them.  

 

I will not begin to act like I can adequately characterize the true meaning of any type of love even in the context of the bible. I am still finding that out, still growing and still making mistakes. However I do know love is a choice, it’s a calculated decision that may be clouded by strong attraction and chemistry.

To end in a positive note, 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-7

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 

Nothing with the above mentions that love is easy nor does it mention falling,   in fact its implies some sort of resilience and adaptation is required for love.

 

It makes me think that love aint for kids, its not for the faint of heart and its definitely not about falling.

Things I have learned on the interview trail

Hey!
I haven't been here in ages. They is so much going on career wise and book publishing wise yet things are relatively calm in my life. I know. Its quite the dichotomy. I call it the calm before the storm or change. I am pushing for a publication date of May 1st-May 16th (fingers crossed) and starting residency hopefully in June!!! Hoot! Yah! I am really excited regardless of the outcome.  Its been an interesting journey and give the glory of my testimony to Jesus my roll dog!

Anyway I really thought I would have more interesting stories on the interview trail, maybe people have gotten less crazy or I am getting a little older but my interview season was relatively calm.
However, I did learn a few things from my extensive experience on the interview trail

1. Memorize a patient that stands out to you.
Every place I interviewed with asked the question "tell me about a patient that affected you, stands out to you, changed your perception?.
I knew a sickle cell patient that developed TTP -HUS down part because I wrote a case report on it.Trust me. This saved me from many a blank stare.

2. Its a match process, not only are you trying to impress them they are trying to impress you. Its about finding the right fit for you based on your priorities. Would you rather be in a big name place that is really competitive with little support  or a smaller program that's more supportive. I want to be in a program with support so I was very cognizant of that when I entered  rankeed the programs.

3. Location. Location Location  : There is a reason the programs in bigger cities are more competive. When you visit a place you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to live there for three to six years. It may not seem that long in the grand scheme of things but residency is stressful enough, you dont want to hate your location and count days until vacations so you will be away.

4. Support. I realized that when we were in medical school this wasn't stressed enough to us. The competitiveness of the program, its congruence with your future goals and the possibility of ranking there was focused on more. Now that I have seen both sides of the coin with some of my friends being in residencies where they feel  isolated  I have realized that support is extremely important. It plays into the other factors too. I am not talking about support from the residency but your support system. That's why some people choose residencies close to immediate family or church family etc. Its more important that you would imagine.

5. Have fun. Doing interviews can be very stressful. You are traveling to 10-20 locations around the country and this can get make quite the dent in your financial aid or salary. Its definitely not a situation that screams fun however focus on the experience. You are never going to get this chance again nor meet the people you do on the interview trail. There is a type of camaraderie between people you meet in the interview trail. I met the same set of people on several interviews in different locations. It became some sort of Breakfast Club.

6. Commit it to God: I know how stressful the match  can be, especially the nerve wracking moments before your find out where you match. But after you have done your best,  trust that God will place you in the right residency for you. I am speaking to myself too.

Until next time folks, I am counting down to April before I shift from mildly irritating author to extremely  irritating author relentlessly promoting book.
I will try my best to be good.