On Positive Blogging and Feelings.

When I decided to start blogging, I made a promise to myself to be positive on the blog no matter how I felt. I promised not to let my emotions dictate what I wrote. I had to make this decision because I tend to be cynical, sarcastic and nonchalant which I know is more of a defense mechanism for me.  So I made the decision to blog positive and keep the criticism to the minimum,  no matter how I felt.

I have learned the hard way that God is not overtly concerned by my  feelings and comfort. When He placed it on my heart to write my book in medical school I had justifiable excuses not to , I was busy,  my life was messy and nine times out of ten I did not feel like it. But in obeying God, your  feelings and your action of obedience will never be alignment. You have to make a choice. Do I obey my feelings? Or do I obey God? For the longest time I obeyed my feelings but  then I realized my feelings were volatile.One minute "God is good, I am so glad I am happy" , the next is "Why does God put me through all this?I am not happy , I am depressed. " I realized I could not trust my emotions , that they change, that the intensity of my emotions does not correlate with what direction I should take and what God wants me to do. Even now, I am typing contrary to my emotions. If I really wrote how I felt.....everyone that read the post would leave my blog depressed.

So I am going to fake it till I make it. I already feel like a "mole"  in this Christianity thing, that although I  have changed there are so many flaws still inherent in my character. That most times I don't feel like Theresa Giudice in "Real House wives of New Jersey" and all I want to do is "love, love,love" ( I am sorry, I really love that show * covers head in shame*)

But I will not "act"  like I "feel" Because nine times out of ten, my feelings are wrong and if I just  "stop drop and roll" the fiery intensity  of my emotions will be extinguished .

In positive news, I am currently in the editing stages of my book and I have given it to "beta readers " for feed back. I blog later this week about that. I am not looking forward to getting the manuscript with criticism but  I want the best possible product I can get with my more " financially challenged"  budget for publication. Editors are very expensive yall!

In other news not so positive news , Pharell Williams got married,.  I will  just think "positive" about that tragedy. :D

What's in a name?

ap·pren·tice

əˈprentis/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who is learning a trade from a skilled employer

When I was thinking of a pen name for my novel  I wanted a name that encapsulated who I was and where I was in life. Something easy to remember and pronounce. So I went through a couple of  names that I thought were "sexy"  and that  my potential readers would understand Sorry , sue me. Sexiness is very important. LOL. Cardoso, Rhodes-Vivour, Peters were names that occurred to me. Then I realized these names did not mean anything to me . They were simply random.

Although I chose Prentice on a whim, it meant something to me.

I feel/ will always feel like I am Gods' apprentice. I am always learning and He is never to tired to teach me, scold me or admonish me. There are so many conceptions I had in my mind about publishing my book , my medical  career  and certain things in my life 2 years ago that have changed . Now my former rigid point of view is actually funny .  When God changed them  I wonder why I thought that way in the first place.

Being in a profession with never ending examinations AND re-examinations, training and reading I understand there is never going to be a point in life when I am perfect,when I will no longer be the apprentice. Even when I start practicing  I am going to encounter a patient that absolutely  stumps me and I will be back to being the apprentice.

But the apprenticeship of life, with God and his children is never ending, its always being renewed, revamped and redirected by a patient long-suffering God. He puts up with a lot from me....and I even when I get exasperated with myself He doesn't get fed up.

So I am introducing myself as Eniola Prentice,drama Queen, loyal friend, indifferent, reserved, sassy, quirky, sarcastic, funny, quick-witted, analytic medical doctor and writer But most of all an apprentice of Jesus!

In perfect but always learning.