The blues

I have been feeling  a little down these past couple of months without any tangible reason for my blues.
I am appalled that it has taken me this long to actually realize depression is an illness. The same way cancer or malaria or the flu is an illness., I always categorized depression as something that happened to certain people or was by choice.

Of course until it happened to me. Sure I have dealt with dark emotions before, a lot of which I pulled from to write Still.

However I had never truly grasped and accepted depression as an illness. See in our society both here and in Nigeria, mental illness is scoffed at, swept under the rug. There is visceral response of sympathy and empathy for any illness....that is apart from mental illness.

I am guilty of this.

I remember when one of my guy friends told me a girl we both knew was seeing a therapist. "Well I ain't surprised. She cra cra." I said inwardly.

Judgemental much?

I have heard pastors say that if you are truly living a Christian life that you won't be depressed nor will you  need a therapist/counsellor / life coach. Well, I agree with that in some foundational level.

My understanding of Gods word has led me to believe that being in the continual presence of God is the only source of true Joy. The joy of The Lord is truly your strength. Before I go into full past pastoress Eniola mode let me go back to my original point.

Saying going to a therapist due to depression is a sign of weakness is like saying going to an oncologist for chemo for cancer is a sign of weakness.

It's the same thing.

We have all ignored the true costs of mental illness and the toll it takes on everyone involved if resources /treatment are not available.

mental illness is the window that the devil uses to inhabit a heart then  the next Virginia  tech shooting happens or elementary school shooting happens.

I have realized that depression is one of the hardest illnesses to treat. I am one that believes in science and believes in common sense. "My African brothers and sisters not every ailment is from your enemy in the village."

However I also know that " for the weapons of our warfare are not Carnal but mighty through God for the pulling down of strongholds.

Depression is one the most perfect examples of illness being a spiritual battle. I don't believe taking an SSRI for however long will cure you. Yes you may feel better but it's symptomatic treatment. Like treating the fever or headache or runny nose you get from a virus but not treating the virus itself.

When your girl realized that my emotions were not normal. I took control spritually and kibashed the spirit away.

I will admit I still struggle but I am better than before.


I pray for the grace to treat people who are struggling with mental illness  with the love of God cos I gotta admit it can't be my love. Mental illness is not a joke. I did a rotation in St. Elizabeth the mental hospital/ prison where John Hinckley (the man who shot president Reagan is) and I is knows.

My hope is knowing that by his stripes we are healed .....including mental illness.

What I am obsessed with!

It seems like Pgy 2 year for me is binge watching shows during free time. My get netfllix for free trial has turned into a monster! Instead of studying for In training Exam aka yearly -Program Director -humiliation -tool -exam I was binge watching on Wentworth British or is it Australian  version of OINTB and Homeland

I have heard about the show but being a self confessed "cheapotle" I is wasn't going to pay any extra money to get Showtime. My very extensive search for a  virus free boot leg website was unsuccessful. It became available and I was hooked. No matter how guilty I felt I couldn't stop! I only stopped to eat, poop and shower.

What I got from the show : what makes Homeland work isn't particularly extraordinary story lines. it isn't even mentally unbalanced bipolar aka cra cra  Carrie Claire Danes character. Okay on second thought maybe a little of it is her.  Its the abilty of the show to keep you on your toes. Its absolutely riveting. I swear I was having palpitations. I remember watching the first episode from season 3 when I didn't know much about the back story * spolier alert* LOOK AWAY IF YOU INTEND TO WATCH when that station chief was killed.  I was glued to the television screaming. My plan was to watch an episode a day but after I watched the episode on the embassy attack, I couldn't with the suspense!  I just had to find out what happened.

I wonder if they are any christian shows/ series that are really interesting. if yall know any please inbox me. I would love to binge watch those to.

I am starting  a christian mentorship scholarship organization for college age girls . I should probably post about that but I am just going to procrastinate and do it at another time. Do shoot me an email if you are in the DMV area and you are interested in being a mentor/mentee

Random thought: I just realized that I don't write about what I don't particularly enjoy. Trust me I have tried to write about residency but no blog post  can truly encapsulate the joys of being a resident

Wentworth Thought : In comparison to OINTB its better.  Especially because the last season of orange was weak. Its darker, unpredictable and is punctuated with laughs here or there. Let me not begin to talk about the pure evil that was Joan 'The Freak' Ferguson.  * Sprays holy water* 

They should pay me to watch and review these shows. anybody hiring?