Friday, February 21, 2014

Whats "falling in love" got to do with it?

On falling in love: “You don’t know who you will fall in love with. You just don’t. You don’t control it. Some people have certain things, like, ‘That’s what I’m going for,’ and I have a subjective version of that. I don’t pressure myself…If you fall in love with someone, you want to own them – but really, why would you want that? You want them to be what you love. I’m much too young to even have an answer for that question.”
Kristen Stewart, Marie Claire, March  2014
Kristen Stewart is on the cover of the next issue of Marie Claire and that was her answer when she was asked about falling in love. To begin with the question itself is faulty and is based on an false  concept of "falling in love."
I once was naïve, foolish and misguided. I once believed in the statement above and in some ways still believe in it. Every day I find myself constantly trying to correct or even replace the  erroneous concepts that have been ingrained in my brain . One of those many concepts is the thought that love is a feeling that cannot be controlled, that you cant help who you fall in love with,  or that you fall in love. Granted, Kristen Stewart is a twenty something year old growing up in a spotlight  she obviously finds uncomfortable. She is not the most articulate person consequently is not the best person to answer a question about love.  I am not picking on Kristen Stewart but I am using the article to illustrate that we are constantly being inundated with the same concepts or what I call seeds by the media. These seeds are not  as harmless  and every one of these seeds grow. Do not underestimate the power of these "seeds" in the media to shape a mind especially a mind of a young person who has no Godly example around to aspire to.

Young people especially young women are fighting a losing battle. If every book, movie TV show and song  tells you that love is about  falling and it is a  flowery emotion that you have no control over because you cant help it,  of course you begin to believe it.
I did! My rationale was that these people are obviously more experienced in life so it must be true.
Now  I wince, shake my head, shudder with embarrassment and laugh. Thank God for Jesus. I believe that becoming a Christian allowed me to base my thought process  and world view from a more realistic foundation. It has changed my thinking process from being extremely faulty to being barely faulty. Imagine a young girl going into a relationship with this thinking process, it’s a train wreck waiting to happen.  The media and we as a society have placed unrealistic fantastical expectations on love. In fact it wasn’t until recently I realized that the concept of falling in love is total rubbish.  Working in the medical sciences , I know “falling” has negative connotations. In my head, I see broken bones, splinters,  hip replacement and crushed skulls when I think of falling. Okay fine  I may have gone overboard with that description but why would you want to fall into something especially love. 
Falling hurts. Falling is not safe.

Who came up with this concept anyway and why have we (especially me) allowed it to penetrate my outlook?
I read on someone's blog that they would rather grow in love with someone. Yes it sounds less romantic but is more realistic. Growing in love makes me think about growing old with someone and persevering with them.  
I will not begin to act like I can adequately characterize the true meaning of any type of love even in the context of the bible. I am still finding that out, still growing and still making mistakes. However I do know love is a choice, it’s a calculated decision that may be clouded by strong attraction and chemistry.
To end in a positive note, 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-7
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Nothing with the above mentions that love is easy nor does it mention falling,   in fact its implies some sort of resilience and adaptation is required for love.
It makes me think that love aint for kids, its not for the faint of heart and its definitely not about falling.


  1. I concur. Well written and thought provoking. Good job!

  2. Wow! Extremely wise words about love! I LOVED this post :)

  3. @ aunty bisi thank you!
    @ mintu thanks and thanks for dropping by

  4. I nodded at every sentence as i read this....
    The part i particularly like is "It makes me think that love aint for kids, its not for the faint of heart and its definitely not about falling". The part about kids professing love, just reminds me of my reaction when i hear girls and boys of 14 saying they're in love i just want to shout MECHAUNU!!!! do you know what love is?!, but i quickly suppress that voice in my head, before in done for It definitely isn't for the faint heart, as my mother would say let your love wear eye glass with 4D vision, and as for falling, that's why the rate of divorce has skyrocketed, people fancy each other these days and don't get to known each other, they don't want to grow with each other, they just want to fall in love which results in falling back out because they really don't know much to want to stick around for the long run.

  5. Wow what can I say ? Different strokes for different folks o. For me that growing in love is my problem cos I just find it hard to give someone a chance if I didn't fall. However keeping it is another different story. It is definitely not for the faint hearted

  6. I asked this same question in a previous post.....what do people mean by I am in love with you and I love you? The romance and movie industry wants me to believe their is a difference....but I truly cannot find it because lust, attraction and infatuation are confused with the word love which to me is so abused!
    The phrase growing into love is more realistic to me than falling into love..... me think this was what our forefathers of yore experienced because they never dated before marriage........and yes! Loving someone is a choice regardless of our flaws.

  7. Haha this was such a nice post. Thank you for your comment. xx

  8. @ Efemena LOL @ mechaunu. I don't like the fact that its portrayed as an emotion you cant control

    @ Miss TLG -yah! a different perspective. My friend was telling me that its the act of abandonment and giving yourself away that is the falling. I agree with that. Falling is all good but its the growing that will sustain it.

    @ new dawn Yes I agree, its probably lust and attraction. You need maturity to decipher the difference.

    @ demilade thanks and for stopping by.

  9. glad someone shares my don't fall in love, loving someone is a choice, its deliberate, and you decide to go into it with your eyes wide open seeing the flaws and all...its a conscious decision, it doenst take you unaware

    Thanks for sharing this

  10. Hahaha doc, broken bones,splinters and crushed hips,rotfl. Anyway, you made a really great point here. Hollywood and Even Hollywood feed us a lot of junks on relationships and love. Sadly enough, our young girls buy into it and make terrible mistakes. We (young christain women)should start standing up for right virtues. Will reblog this ,kindly let me know if am allowed to reblog. bless you dear

  11. My dear Dr. Eniola, can I call you that? You had me rolling with your analysis of falling in medical dictionary, lol. This post is a must see for all, yes ladies and men inclusive. Thanks for this beautiful piece.

    Oh, when would we stop up to celebrities for affirmation? It beats me..

  12. I came here from Tosin's blog and I'm glad. Like you, I like the sound of growing in love. It connotes, stability, longevity & togetherness.

  13. @ livelytwist I do too and hope to experience that. Thanks for stopping by!